Fresh off the Press Blog Posts

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Abnormal Psychology 101

I am learning abnormal psychology first hand. A hands on education, not even available at the most prestigious psychology programs in the world.  From who?  From my enemy, and your enemy.  The Shaitan. قال يا بني لا تقصص رؤياك على إخوتك فيكيدوا لك كيدا إن الشيطان للإنسان عدو مبين He said, “My son, don’t tell your […]

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Heart Explosions

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم These days, my heart is exploding with emotions.  No exaggerations.  Emotions are from the unseen world, and nobody can see the explosion except for the one who is feeling and going through it.  I had recovered slightly from one of the most severe shamanic attacks after my in laws departed back […]

قرية نجد

Comforting Gratitude to Anxious Quran

I’m living in a prison.  An emotional prison.  And it’s hard to get out. After having an awful day yesterday, but then towards the evening, I had a positive turn around in enjoying dinner with my parents in law at Najd Village.  Those positive turn arounds just feel like they are given to me, where […]

Giving Thanks

Why Gratitude is hard

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم Things are taking a pleasant turn with the biggest sigh of relief. The human is not a simple creature, which is why a guidebook is necessary to provide insight and clarity, and to help pinpoint the issues of the human condition. God mentions a promise of the devil. ولا تجد أكرهم شاكرين. […]

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Inspiration from Rahman and Shaitan

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم I receive inspiration from both Rahman, and Shaitan.  They are drastically different experiences. I woke up at around 3 am, and I felt like I had 15 kgs of lead weights on my head.  I felt sickly exhausted, feeling barely able to walk.  I just couldn’t see myself get up to […]

ربا

Riba and Rahmah

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم Tonight, I think I may have just been given the correct understanding of Rahmah in light of ayat of punishment.  From yesterday evening, up through this evening, I was basically paralyzed most of the day suffering with severe confusion and waswaseh about understanding Allah’s attribute of compassion and mercy with the […]

دراهم معدودة

Super Power of Surah Yusuf

I fell into deep deep abyss of despair thinking about Rahman who was showering me with blessings growing up in my life.   It was surrounding me all along, but as I tried and tried to look at everything around me as manifestations of Rahman,  My despair was just increasing, severe sadness increasing.  I fell […]

عيد مبارك

A Belated Eid Update

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم First Off, a belated Eid Mubarak.  Last update, I was in the home stretch of Ramadan.  Let me share with you briefly what happened, then mention what I’m dealing with at the moment. The last day was a doozy.  I spent literally all day long reciting Quran.  I was looking at […]

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Is it Me or the Jinn? (Ramadan 28)

I fell into another Despair Dungeon after  fajr.  أعوذ بالله Despair like I said before is one of the fastest ways to massacre your iman and seal up your heart.  I tasted the agony again when I got stuck on an ayah feling condemned by Allah, feeling he is on the verge of rejecting me. […]

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180 degrees (Ramadan 27)

بسمالله الرخمن الرحيم A 180 degree turn in the positive direction.  Feeling my life was over and din was ruined 24 hrs ago.  Now feeling hopeful I will conquer and fulfill my iman and self esteem issues and develop a healthy quran relationship and oust the devil. I had more moments of bliss reading today.  […]

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Shaitanic Paradoxes (Ramadan 26)

Im hanging in there, hoping for victory when I check out of hotel iitikaaf.  The severity I have experienced is like none other.  My life and religion was on the line.  As I did morning zhikr outside, my eyes filled up with tears thinking about that moment when I go back home to my family, […]

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Drunken Boxing (Ramadan Challenge 25)

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم We are in the last week of Ramadan, and the Ramadan Challenge is more intense than ever.  Morning zhikr was more neutral feelings.  Quran reading was relatively normal until the afternoon.  I fell into quite a few “ruts” of misunderstanding fundamental concepts in Islam.  For instance: On the ayah,  يَا أَيُّهَا […]