Fresh off the Press Blog Posts

ربا

Riba and Allah’s Rahmah

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم Tonight, I think I may have just been given the correct understanding of Rahmah in light of ayat of punishment.  From yesterday evening, up through this evening, I was basically paralyzed most of the day suffering with severe confusion and waswaseh about understanding Allah’s attribute of compassion and mercy with the […]

دراهم معدودة

Super Power of Surah Yusuf

I fell into deep deep abyss of despair thinking about Rahman who was showering me with blessings growing up in my life.   It was surrounding me all along, but as I tried and tried to look at everything around me as manifestations of Rahman,  My despair was just increasing, severe sadness increasing.  I fell […]

عيد مبارك

A Belated Eid Update

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم First Off, a belated Eid Mubarak.  Last update, I was in the home stretch of Ramadan.  Let me share with you briefly what happened, then mention what I’m dealing with at the moment. The last day was a doozy.  I spent literally all day long reciting Quran.  I was looking at […]

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Is it Me or the Jinn? (Ramadan 28)

I fell into another Despair Dungeon after  fajr.  أعوذ بالله Despair like I said before is one of the fastest ways to massacre your iman and seal up your heart.  I tasted the agony again when I got stuck on an ayah feling condemned by Allah, feeling he is on the verge of rejecting me. […]

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180 degrees (Ramadan 27)

بسمالله الرخمن الرحيم A 180 degree turn in the positive direction.  Feeling my life was over and din was ruined 24 hrs ago.  Now feeling hopeful I will conquer and fulfill my iman and self esteem issues and develop a healthy quran relationship and oust the devil. I had more moments of bliss reading today.  […]

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Shaitanic Paradoxes (Ramadan 26)

Im hanging in there, hoping for victory when I check out of hotel iitikaaf.  The severity I have experienced is like none other.  My life and religion was on the line.  As I did morning zhikr outside, my eyes filled up with tears thinking about that moment when I go back home to my family, […]

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Shaitanic Paradoxes (Ramadan 26)

Im hanging in there, hoping for victory when I check out of hotel iitikaaf.  The severity I have experienced is like none other.  My life and religion was on the line.  As I did morning zhikr outside, my eyes filled up with tears thinking about that moment when I go back home to my family, […]

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Drunken Boxing (Ramadan Challenge 25)

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم We are in the last week of Ramadan, and the Ramadan Challenge is more intense than ever.  Morning zhikr was more neutral feelings.  Quran reading was relatively normal until the afternoon.  I fell into quite a few “ruts” of misunderstanding fundamental concepts in Islam.  For instance: On the ayah,  يَا أَيُّهَا […]

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In the Heat of Battle (Ramadan Challenge 24)

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم Continuing the biggest challenge of my life, I started with the morning zhikr by going outside to the masjid park.  I found all these painful emotions of hurt when trying to connect all the beautiful creation nature outside to Allah.  I was remembering all those times of enjoyment I had with […]

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Slippery Slope of Despair (Ramadan Challenge 23

I know the ayat.  But Its so hard for me to avoid it.  Despair.  The last ayah I heard tonight in fajr prayer. والذين كفروا بآيات الله و لقاءه ألئك يئسوا من رحمتي و ألئك لهم عذاب أليم And those who have rejected the signs of Allah and His meeting are the ones who have […]

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Hotel Iitikaaf (Ramadan Challenge 21)

I checked into hotel iitikaaf today.  I carried my pillow and blanket into the masjid along with a small bag.  I was nervous coming in.  Its just me and Quran.  Nothing else.  Been fighting and dealing with this Jinn influence the past year feeling both awful and amazing reading quran.  Feeling like a believe and […]

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The Final 10 Wrap Up (Ramadan Challenge 20)

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم Overall, there has been such an amazing turn around since last post.  Last post, I left you with utter feelings of defeat, feeling that I’m nearly done with my life, feeling like I have no dhunia nor akhirah. After several days of recovery, I miraculously feel so much better.  Yes I’m […]