Why Rahman cares about you.
September 20, 2014
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
I write this letter from someone who is understanding Rahman, to my other half, the despairing half, in case he needs a reminder when the going gets tough. I write you from a better place. After seeing how you so awfully became emotionally sick, wanting to leave the religion, feeling suicidal, constructed complete from every angle by the waswaas of shaitan and his disgusting precence, not leaving you a second to relax, no matter what you think or do, just bothering you to insanity, feeling a heart full of doubts about the Quran, and feeling no sense of compassion for anything or anybody. I saw you yesterday so emotionally sick and disabled, feeling so weak and earnestly in need of help. i saw you yesterday too weak to do much, too weak to do any dhunia related things, your whole life collapsing and constricted in front of your eyes. That’s how I saw you 24 hours ago.
Let me tell you how I am 24 hours later. After I decided to take the leap and fully belief that Allah cares about me, because He is Rahman. and Raheem. and Wadood, and Wali. It was a slow recovery this day, but just thinking and submitting my heart to a Compassionate Creator, who was your original creator, allowing you to be yourself finally. The core inside that you always felt was worthless and not cared for is finally free to let loose and be itself. Then any fears that do come, the underlying belief can be discovered, because now compassion has entered, allowing your heart to open up. And you feel more genuinely yourself. Then you can feel so many moments of joy and feeling tears of appreciation for what you have. That you are free to be yourself, why? Because you have a Rabb. That alone is completely the sole reason why you are acceptable.
Yes Shaitan’s attacks still came strong, and even messed up my asr prayer. But you know what, that just tells me that I am completely on the right path, and his animosity is so strong that I’m doing the right thing, he wants to take me off quickly. He wanted me to despair and yes got me to despair, but until `i realized that I’m finally doing the right thing. And since you were so sick and on the verge of kufr and stressed out to the max from shaitan, Shaitan still had the edge, and used that edge to dominate me in that salah. But you know what, it weakened. I realized i was on the right path and it weakened. and he attacked again, but it was weaker and more distant. And like that he may try to attack my salah again, but he will continue to get weaker so long as you keep believing in the Rabb who makes you who you are, and Rahman, the most compassionate caretaker for you ever. Then you will feel that sense of ease and rahmah and expansion of the chest that makes you feel blissful, because you simply stayed affirming Al-Rahman.
And I must tell you, that Al-Rahman cares about us, Why does he care about us? And why is he helping us? I on the other side can see better how he cares then you would, because of how your despair taints your vision and you can’t see clearly, and you don’t get moved by the quran. Like when i read the Quran though, I was moved, like in surah tariq, feeling the thrill of Allah always caring when he created me, خلق من ماء دافق. And the absolute shukr and bliss when praying my isha and sunnah prayers, so grateful and thankful and enjoying my salah. How do you feel over there, hesitating on Rahman? How’s your iman? Come back on this side, and experience the amazingness.
Then I feel my strength gaining back, felt invigorated, enjoying the blessings of Rahman, and it was simply better. Believing that Rahman is personal care and love only for you is much better. Don’t hesitate on it, and sit there feeling awful. All the tricks of the Quran being stressful was a ploy of shaitan to make you feel Allah doesn’t care about you and rejects you, like you always felt. But now, you know Al-Rahman accepts you for who you are, and deeply loves you and cares for you more than any other being would or could. `like that dream i got from Rahman of the girls in the classroom all giving me a gift and showing so much care and love for me, and making me feel special, as a simple manifestation of Rahmah. And that coming from Al-Rahman.
So back to the point: Why does Allah care about you and me? Look at how you were lost, sitting at home, doing nonsense, all by yourself, then all of a sudden you are given feelings of iman in your prayer, with nobody around you? Then you get motivated to start studying and learning so much about `islam. And then you are motivated to learn arabic and do more, and then you get an amazing understanding wife with your mindset, and then you move overseas and get money saved, and get into imam saud for full time studies? All of this are not signs that you are cared so much by Rahman? And always getting moved so many times by surah yusuf, telling you something that you’re worth something and giving you the visions to use this for the future of psychology? To get better from psychological disorders?
And from your past, allowing you to be yourself and find yourself again, with all those blissful moments of finding yourself, and feeling like your life is coming back after 25 years of suppression of who you are? This care connecting with yourself, giving you deep sense of gratitude, that just wipes away your stresses. Where tears flow from feeling so much gratitude for him creating someone inside of you that he wanted you to be yourself all along? And allowing you to remember when you were yourself, and those good things you enjoyed, like the hot tub, and the times at the drug company meetings and st. thomas. When there was no stress like this. Feelings that you will overcome anxiety disorder for good come with Rahman, caring about you. Don’t miss out on it!
Now if you think that Rahman doesn’t care about you, because of an ayah or hadith, or your feelings of anxiety and terror that come sometimes, you can know that you are wrong for many reasons. Because you are still recovering from anxiety stresses, and Shatian’s attacks, it makes you feel bad. you have bad memories you are recovering from, and they get stronger when you are disoriented. And shaitan convinced you that Allah wants to punish you, and he is Rahman and guided you and the one who always showed you love? What type of twisted logic is that? shaitan convinced you that every ayah of kuffar and munifqeen and zhaalimeen applies to you, because he wants you to hate Allah and make you feel that Allah has rejected you? Because you felt rejected and worthless growing up by people? When the whole reason why you’re acceptable is because Allah is your Rabb. That is the sole reason why Yusuf was so strong through his events of his life, because He was connected to his loving Rabb. Who sufficed him with his emotions and feelings of being acceptable. And then when you go with these feelings and despair of how you feel, then shaitan drags you down into the mud again, and you’re suffering big time. You’re wrong because no matter what sheikhs say about sins, and doing more, you’re not rejected because you have shortcomings. You are acceptable for one sole reason, because you have a Rabb. If you feel that you are acceptable because you have no shortcomings, then you are not realizing why you’re valuable. Humans are supposed to have shortcomings. خلق الإنسان ضعيفا , don’t you remember that you were so emotionally moved by this ayah, that I’m created with weaknesses, and its Al-Rahman that gets me over my weaknesses. That’s the whole point of creating us weak? You’re wrong that Allah doesn’t care about you, because only when you believe that, you fall into the clutches of shaitan, who makes your life miserable, and unbearable, and makes you fall into kufr of Rahman.
Belief in Rahman and Rabb save you, just do yourself a favor and do it!