We deal with anxiety issues. Many of us deal with stress and anxiety when dealing with the Quran and Islam, as I have been suffering with tremendously, especially this summer, dealing with the jinn issue. That’s part of the reason why I haven’t posted in a while, because of the challenges I’ve been facing.
Throughout this incredibly tough ride, I have had small bouts of incredible relief and connection to Allah, though far and few in-between the terrible emotions and stresses and other symptoms.
There is a staunch difference between fear and anxiety when it comes to Allah. We experience anxiety of Allah, not the proper fear of Allah. Fear and Taqwa are healthy emotions that provide a type of motivation for change. But anxiety of Allah is based in something much worse. It is based on the notion that there will be some form of injustice shown to us by Allah; or thinking that there is not complete justice in the punishments of hellfire. As if people are unjustly put into hellfire. This really has been one of the crux issues I’ve been dealing with, and the weakness that shaitan has exploited within me. There has been incredible amounts of waswaas all surrounding this core issue. And for some reason or another, I have fallen many many many times. I have suffered incredibly from these evil ideas, including a loss of my intellect and rationale, where I cannot logically come to any conclusions whatsoever, only until I just turn away, recognize the thoughts and feeling as shaitan’s NOT mine, and calmly ignore and don’t pay it any mind until it settles down.
Easier said than done, me being a true witness to that.
Take yesterday for instance, when I was feeling the justice of Allah, in my prayers, and feeling khushu’. Everything was so much better, my confidence and effectiveness of the Quran being my weapon against the enemy shaitan, and feeling huge improvements in my emotional state and psychy, and quality of salah, and frankly speaking, it’s effects much more subsided.
But then I get confused again the next day, and I fall into shaitanic ruts, and suffer from the evil feelings and ideas. This cycle has been happening to me for quite a while now. And after today’s fall out, I’m getting more and more fed up with this evil kaafir’s tactics. And that those who follow shaitan’s like the one I’m dealing with are incredibly evil. When I come to experience the true darkness of those who are engrossed in kufr, in following these devils, I start to appreciate the severe condemnation and justice offered by the warnings of the quran. It is the evil of kufr, embodied in these devils, and those who love to follow them.
But when you experience and feel that the whole point of hellfire and the day of judgment is to have a perfect system of justice, to deal with these evil people and jinn, who have absolutely no shame or disgrace in the tactics they use to reject the truth, and to create corruption in the world, and that starts to penetrate your heart, it helps a great deal with starting to establish a genuwine, healthy fear of the akhirah, a place where justice is served through punishing these stubborn evil beings.
Feeling anxious about Allah, akhirah, and hellfire will never give us real fear. It will only turn us further away, and make shaitan happier. So squash the anxiety and injustice. I talk to myself here before all of you.