There is an article I ran into called: “Are you a ‘show-off’ . I found this article to be exxtremely insightful. What is the connection between showing off, and people pleasing? Is there a connection? Or is the action, the same, but the motive behind it different? It’s interesting to note what the author says regarding the characteristics of those who fall into this. Let’s take a look at a few snippits.
A show-off is defined as an exhibitionist, i.e. someone who deliberately behaves in such a way just to attract attention. Why do they do that? Easy. Those who like to show off, to exhibit their qualities and skills, usually do it in order to impress others.
With people pleasing also, there is for some an underlying belief that you’re worthless, and you need to compensate by showing people that you are good in certain things, so they can accept you.
But this is not all. Sometimes they also do it in order to make others feel inferior. If you think that you are “better” than another individual, be it a colleague, a friend, a relative, an acquaintance, you cannot help behaving consequently. Your aim (sometimes unconscious, other times very much conscious!) is to make them know how smart, how rich, how generous, how successful you are. Believing that you are smarter than another, you will always find the opportunity of showing off your intelligence with the consequence of highlighting your opponent’s supposed “lack” of it! If you are convinced that you are more pious, more selfless than another, you will find a thousand ways to make them feel less virtuous, more selfish than you.
A people pleaser oftentimes feels inferior to others. So they may have a tendency to make themselves feel worthy or good by making the other person feel inferior. Could this be a possible reason for the emergence of bullies? hmmmm comments please!
While reading these lines you have certainly thought of someone you know who says this kind of things or who corresponds to such general definition. Now, would you care to examine yourself and see if also you have this trait to any extent? When you correct someone with a know-it-all attitude and say “No, you are wrong” and go on to demonstrate that “you” know better, you are showing off. At the same time, you are also humiliating your interlocutor. “But, you might argue, if the information he was giving was wrong, I had to correct it.” Okay, you have a point here. Nevertheless… it is “the way” you express yourself that counts, i.e. the words, the tone of voice, the facial expressions that you use.
Very interesting indeed. Somebody may be wrong, but there is something else. Because a people pleaser feels inferior about who they are as a person, they may be happy that the other person was wrong, so they can call it out and correct them. And by doing that, it makes themselves feel like they have some value or worth because they are “right” about something. Why do we feel a need to be right and correct them? Look at this hadith?
عَنْ أَبِي أُمَامَةَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم “ أَنَا زَعِيمٌ بِبَيْتٍ فِي رَبَضِ الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ تَرَكَ الْمِرَاءَ وَإِنْ كَانَ مُحِقًّا
Abu Umamah said ,the Prophet () said: I guarantee a house in the surroundings of Paradise for a man who avoids arguing even if he was correct.
Reported in Sunan Abu Dawud- http://sunnah.com/abudawud/43/28
There is something else going on for sure. Let’s get to the bottom of it and ask Allah to help us get rid of it!
I had a friend who, any time our group of ladies gathered for a tea-party, while everybody was complimenting our hostess for the delicious dessert she had prepared, would only say: “Oh, but the cake I used to make was absolutely the best!”…… She simply couldn’t stand that someone could be considered better than she was and be complimented for her skill.
She felt inferior. Someone better than her? That must mean that she is not good and worthless because they are complementing someone else! Inferiority Complex to the max.
Anyways, Many thanks to the writer of this insightful piece. Check out her blog at: recreateyourlifetoday
And let me know your thoughts on this interesting piece. That means, COMMENTS!