We look at ourselves right now. We look and see all our negative qualities. We see depression, fear and anxiety of so many things in life. We don’t see any courage in us. We see in ourselves someone who is too afraid to speak from their heart so they end up saying something else to cover it up. We see in us a critical personality, that looks at the faults of others, that sometimes doesn’t even want good stuff to happen to others because it makes us feel worse about ourselves. We look at all the good things people are doing, and we compare ourselves, and we start feeling that we are a worthless good for nothing waste of space that can never do as much as the other people can. We see people so social, and so outgoing, and the positive centre of attention, making everybody laugh, and where everybody seems to love them, and we look to ourselves in despair or disgust, thinking, “if I disappeared off the face of the earth, nobody would even notice and care.” We can’t even feel comfortable with the people with we grew up with, like our parents and siblings.
We feel we aren’t very good muslims either, because we never feel connected to Allah, and we sometimes even think negative things about Allah, and that makes us feel worse about ourselves. We get frustrated very easily, and have lost any ability to keep our cool, and we lose our tempers easily, even though we don’t always display or show it to others, and just keep it bottled up inside. We don’t have strong emotions of iman, and we don’t have strong love of Allah, or trust in Him, or those other amazing emotions in Islam that Allah loves. We sometimes feel more self conscious about what people think about us vs. what Allah thinks about us, and this makes us feel more despair about how terrible our iman is.
We can’t snap out of our despair , sadness, negativity trap, even though we wish we never had it.
Well????????? We say that these are some of the evidences that prove we are worthless, and why we are not worth anything, and why we are completely convinced that there is no way on earth that Allah would care about people like us. What further strengthens this belief is that when we try to connect to Allah, we don’t feel anything connection. Or we may even feel pushed away more. And the lack of feelings of closeness to Allah make us further conclude that it’s just because we are so worthless and have become so pathetic, that Allah has abandoned us as well.
The issue here is a paradox…….
Yes, everything that we observe in ourselves is there. I’m not going to make you deceive yourself and deny that there are many qualities we wish we didn’t have. But why are they there in the first place? That is the key. Maybe, just maybe, we developed all these negative qualities BECAUSE we NEVER believed someone is there to love us, care for us, and respect us, when the world around us was not giving that. Maybe because we were blinded to the fact that Al-Rahman was always there, the source of love, respect and peace, and we simply were unaware and ignorant of that. We looked to everybody around us, and we noticed that everybody is doing things to be cool, or fit in, or just be the funny popular kid, and we had to do the same. Quite possibly, could we have developed these negative qualities we want to get rid of because we didn’t realize Allah , our Creator, cares and loves us and respects us so much? And if we had realised this fact, our self esteem issues would have never began in the first place? And our feelings of abandonment would never be there to begin with? And our need to try anything and everything to feel respected and to fit in would not have become a need in the first place? That we would have been confident people because the Creator of the Universe has honoured us, thinks highly of us, and would never want anything bad for us? And it was only Shaitan who was there by our sides, taking the opportunity to convince us as small children that we are worthless good for nothing wastes of spaces?
Maybe if we started believing what is in the last paragraph down to the core of our hearts, then we will start seeing major changes in our relationship with Allah. Maybe we need to think very deeply about.
The Extremely Compassionate
There will be a lot more posts just on this One name of Allah, so don’t despair or worry if you can’t understand how He is Al-Rahman.