Enough is enough. Im so tired of Islam being the biggest burden on my chest.
Enough is enough. I cant believe anybody in their right mind would stay in a religion that is a constant source of paranoia and worry and demotivation and a mental disabler.
Enough is enough. How on earth are you supposed to love Allah when you believe that everything in islam, and everyone is saying that you arent good enough for Allah, that you arent up to his standards, that you will be punished in hell fire because you dont have the qualities of iman in your heart, and you dont have positive emotions towards Allah and Islam.
Enough is enough. Im tired of believing Allah wants to screw me over, and He wants to make things difficult on me.
Enough is enough. Im dead tired of feeling that I’m always falling short in my duties to Allah as a muslim, and if I dont improve or fix something, I’ll be abandoned by Allah.
Enough is enough. I cant live life practically when im constantly paranoid that i am not being just or not giving people their rights and im a wrong doer, and nitpicking and second guessing every little action that I do.
Enough is enough. Im so exhausted from trying to decipher how to increase my iman, and how to be sincere in my actions.
Do these sentiments sound familiar to anybody? Unfortunately, we are struggling with these feelings on a daily basis.
This isnt a letter or expression that im leaving islam. Its a expression of extreme exhausion and overburdening that i simply have to do something different in my approach.
I woke up yesterday from a nap, rushing to pick up my wife, when a strong sense of paranoia set in. I felt i had to stop myself from thinking wrong about Allah. I felt pressured because if I didnt, that really uncomfortable chest tightness would come again because of my wrong thinking of Allah. And i just wanted to avoid it. Then I became so paranoid and anxious that I wanted to run away from prayer and thinking about my religion. I felt too paranoid to think about Allah and I there was no peace in Salah, just paranoia of wanting to flee from any pressure.
I felt cynical, and beyond words as to how ridiculous it was that I was feeling this way towards my religion. That this is not for sure what Islam is about, and not the intention of Allah. It is utterly ridiculous. Did I say that it is ridiculous? Yes it is.
Maybe I feel the way I feel because I’m WORRYING too much. I have anxiety disorder, and anxiety disorder is fueled by worry. The more I worry, the worse I feel. It’s as simple as that. Even though I feel hesitation that it’s my weak iman that is at fault as I write that, but it’s the only sane explanation after all the struggles I’m facing with just feeling normal as an Islamic student.
Why don’ t we simple see how it will go if we don’t worry about the religion? Easier said than done, I know. But something simply HAS to change. May النصير (The Greatest Helper) help us.