If you type in وسواس القهري (waswaas al qahri) in google, you will come up with OCD from wikipedia.
Waswaas Al-Qahri is an arabic term meaning: “uncontrollable whispers” It’s mostly attributed to shaitan, the main whisperer.
Are they synonymous? Well there are definitely parallels. In both cases it was the one behind our developing ocd and anxiety in first pace.
I wanted to explain a bit here, as to what happened to me this summer coming back to Saudi. As most of you know, I am a full time student in Imam Saud University in Saudi Arabia. I have been fine studying and doing well in school. But this past year, I was having many different “crises” with reading the Quran, feeling stressed from certain ayat in the Quran, feeling they apply to me, and having trouble understanding the balance between Rahmah and Punishment. One day, I would like to do a detailed series on understanding Rahmah Punishment, Fear and Love of Allah.
This summer in the U.S. I had a major fallout in Ramadan, having too much stress and tension over Quran. Then soon afterwards, we returned to Saudi for another year of life overseas. It was on return were I started to notice things change majorly.
I felt that my anxiety disorder that I’d been dealing with for many years changed on me. It started feeling different. It went from a condition that I was suffering through no doubt, but I was dealing and coping with it, to something else that I was no longer able to deal with. Here are a few of the new sensations I have experienced:
I started feeling chocked inside my chest.
I started feeling something grasping and holding onto my chest and heart area. And it lets up very infrequently.
I started feeling even more severely intense mood swings, severe nostalgia.
I started feeling nauseas and queazy much more frequently, especially in the morning.
My mood and desires changed towards studying Islam. I started to dislike doing things I loved doing, like studying, reading, listening to lectures. Rather, I found myself unable to stand listening to lectures. I found myself feeling cringing at the idea of talking about Islam and doing good, etc. I couldn’t stand hearing those cliche “lectures” and “reminders” that people give anymore.
I started getting unbearable stresses when trying to read the Quran. Having so mud pressure in my chest and paranoia, that it became difficult to read. I would get headaches and feelings of intense pressure at times. And the all the ayat of azhab and punishment, and kufr, etc. all made me feel despair and lowered my iman. This cycle led me to a serious serious despair trap where I was dealing with strong feelings of suicide and such low iman that I couldn’t continue.
I developed extremely laziness and drowsiness and complete lack of motivation when I tried to start studying or attend lectures.
I started to feel so much bombardment and pressure in my heart and chest that I felt like my chest will collapse and I will faint.
I attended a jumua khutbah and I was so pressured and stressed from every single word being said that I felt sick and went home, difficulty breathing, and almost felt like fainting of how awful I felt.
When I would go pray fair, right before the salah, I would have diarrhea attacks and have to go to the bathroom. Then I would feel sick to my stomach and need to recuperate after fair.
I would have severe terror at night.I would have strange dreams and nightmares. I would see evil devilish faces, and see disturbing dreams.
I felt like my personality swapped, and my normal feelings and emotions were hijacked by an evil force, that i don’t have control over.
I started feeling so much paranoia, terror, and schizophrenic types of feelings. Stuff I never had before.
All my old social anxieties felt like they went on hyperdrive and they became so intense and uncontrollable.
So what happened to me? It took some time to realize that these emotions were no longer mine. It was the presence of a Jinn. It was a partial Jinn possession, or being afflicted by the Jinn. And it has never been like this before.
I went to see a Raaqi in Madinah, explaining to him the weird sensations I’m having. And he prescribed for me a detailed plan for expelling the jinn from me.
Through my Ruqya, I noticed some things that were happening. Like noticing the presence changing emotions while doing ruqya. I noticed some tingling sensations at my toes. Then I felt itching movements in my upper left back and other twinging sensations.
In several ruqya sessions, I started doing it, and then started feeling nauseas and light headed and dizzy after the ruqya was going through.
Whenever I would drink a lot of zamzam, that also triggered me going to the bathroom for diarrhea.
And a really bizarre thing happened when my Raaqi was reciting Quran to me on the phone. I started having difficult to control chuckling and laughter at the ayat that were being recited. Ayat of punishment, and I’m just laughing away finding something uncontrollably funny about it.
All of these symptoms and more are the effects of the jinn penetrating and possessing. Alhamdulillah, other people are more completely possessed and don’t have any consciousness, but anyways this I believe is a partial type of possession.
It has been a crazy difficult time, and I need all your due’s for me. But working through the Ruqyah program, and also trying to get