One of my greatest moments I have experienced with the Quran in my life. It happened tonight, right after Iftar.
My mom made a very emotional comment about not wanting something in the house, and I didn’t expect it coming. Her comment brought tension in the air, and everybody became silent. It was making me very nervous, so I decided to move away to the dining table, to cool off from the nervousness and tension. My mom asked me why I moved, and I just said I felt nervous and felt some tension. And she became extremely upset, to the point that she refused to say anything. She started saying “I’m so bad, I can’t say anything to anybody.etc…”
This was right before Tarawih prayer. I felt awful, and I was practially at a panic attack, because I, who was supposed to be respectful muslim son, instead made my mother very upset over the careless action I took of moving away from her.
I felt awful, and I felt like despairing, to the point that every once of my body was despairing, but I tried to hang on to what I learned today about taking Allah as my Wali.
I had to continue to do what was working for me; what Allah is teaching me about in dealing with calamities. Who else is there to help you with these dillemas than Allah, My Wali, My protecting guardian and friend. The One I can turn to in any situation, even if I intentionally did something wrong, let alone unintentionally. The only One who I can turn to for all my problems, weaknesses, shortcomings, and mistakes. The only One who can properly take care of and rectify my affairs. With this sentiment, I entered the Salah, feeling and striving to remember Allah’s friendship that I am slowly trying to establish with Him.
الله ولي الذين آمنوا يخرجهم من الظلمات إلى النور
Allah is the Guardian and Friend of those who believe, He takes them out of darknesses into the light.
I had a lot of resisting to do. I so badly wanted to despair and lose hope, and feel that this huge calamity was because of my shortcomings, and that I have to pay the price, and there is no hope and solution, because of how big an atrocity and blasphemy I have committed. And I should never have made such a stupid mistake, and that how can I even turn to Allah and face Him when I did such a big mistake to my own mother.
But I learned earlier today, that Allah is my Best Friend and Helper. And no matter how badly I want to lose hope, I will not in my heart, and I will continue to listen to the ayat, with my sentiment that Allah is my Best Friend, and He will never abandon me because of my mistakes.
What an amazing experience I had in the Prayer, Alhamdulillah. It was curing my emotions; connecting me to my Best Friend, the One who cares more about me than my own self. The One who wants to see me succeed in this life and the next. My prayer was turning into a garden from Jannah. A relaxation place where I could leave my worries and difficulties, and be connected with Someone greater.
2 hours passed, and I felt I was just getting started. I wanted to hear more and more, I loved standing before Allah in prayer. I loved feeling iman and khushu’ flow in my heart, correcting my corrupted beliefs, and raising my status.
I entered Salah in a panicky, anxious state, feeling dejected and unacceptable, and ready to lose all hope. I came out in a peaceful state, happy and confident in my heart; ready to deal with my problems with my mother. As I saw her still in her upset state, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her, that it looks like she didn’t benefit from standing in front of Allah for 2 hours, and the poisonous emotions of anxiety and other emotional turmoil blocks our hearts from living the real life of Iman.
Today, the Quran has benefited me to change my emotional state, to be able to deal with the problems in my life. This is the very purpose of the Quran.
Brothers and Sisters, not for even a minute, can we approach Islam and Allah doubting we are disbelievers, and we are too screwed up to deserve Allah’s Wilayah (Friendship). Rather, if we don’t take Allah as our Wali, we are risking disbelief and shirk.