Ever since I have been dealing with this jinn problem, I have experienced close up how evil a creature this is. How much of an enemy he is to us. I now realize how he was the cause behind me developing my unhealthy beliefs which paved the way to anxiety disorder and then further agony with the jinn affliction.
What happens is that you feel the presence going inside your heart and playing with your emotions, and affecting your personality majorly. And the whispers are no longer from outside, but they are severe and they are coming from inside, where it feels like the heart. With anxiety disorder, our ability to rationalize is already reduced, whereas with this jinn affliction, the ability for the heart to rationalize and make clear of things goes down and is mixed with the evil presence’s hard to dismiss and stubborn suggestions and repetitions.
This affliction happened to me for a reason, but I hope Allah spares everybody and protects them, unless Allah wants unique or special from you.
Anyways, lets take one of the ayat that Shaitan has “interpreted” for me to yet make me feel further pushed away by the Quran.
فمن يرتدد منكم عن دينه فيمت وهو كافر فألئك حبطت أعمالهم في الدنيا والآخرة و ألئك أصحاب أصحاب النار هم فيها خالدون
And whoever apostates amongst you from his religion and he dies while he is a kaafir, then all his deeds will be nullified in the dhunia and akhira, and they will be from the people of hellfire living therein. Surah Baqarah.
So in my struggles with feeling so stressed out by the Quran on feeling I am condemned, feeling super stressed out and so burdened by the religion that I feel like living the religion altogether because of how unpleasant I am feeling. This ayah comes to further make me feel burdened and add to the evil thoughts about my Creator.
“Look you are thinking about leaving the religion because it is too much stress and burden on you from shaitan, and immense stress from how he has made the quran for you. And if you do that, all your deeds will be nullified and Allah will throw you in hellfire.”
Wow, how I just had to pause and put down the book because of how demotivating that was. Here I am, trying to love Allah and connect with the Quran, even with all the stresses, and then this ayah comes to demotivate me further, threatening me that I will be in hellfire because `i couldn’t take the pressure and stress any longer from being burdened from the Quran and din. And then I come on the Day of Judgement and tell Allah, I was psychologically sick and going crazy over getting stressed by the Quran that I couldn’t take it anymore, so i just stopped praying and reading because it was too much.
Imagine how you would feel if the Most Compassionate and Loving and Understanding Caretaker were to tell you on that day according to this “interpretation”:
“Yup, well you know what? you’re going to burn in hellfire for what you did. I told you not to do that, and you didn’t listen, so you going to hell now and I’m nullifying all of your good deeds.”
Wow…………. Seriously? What type of amazing God would that be? Would that be characteristic of the Most Loving, Most Understanding, Most Fair Judge?” Or is that the response of a Demanding, Cold, Uncompassionate, maybe unfair God? Thinking deeper about it, it is simply applying this ayah to myself like is such a demotivating increasing my dislike of getting closer to Allah. And this type of reaction is never warranted in the quran.
ما أنزلنا عليك القرآن لتشقى
We did not reveal the Quran upon you to stress out. 20:2
Would I deserve to go to hellfire because of that action? Because of my psychological misunderstandings, so much pressure and stress, that I couldn’t take it psychologically? If i were to be put in hellfire for that, that would be a little unfair and noncompassionate.
A Kaafir is someone who knowingly, willingly, acknowledges the truth and rejects it, and is stubborn in rejecting signs. Nobody is unfairly treated on the day of judgment. it is the day of fairness. To fear that we will be treated unfairly is the antithesis of who Allah is, and what that day is about.
May Allah clarify for us our misunderstandings, and make the Quran a beautiful beacon of light in our hearts, what it was meant to do, inspire, not demotivate.