بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
This morning, woke up late and went through the typical, “I fell short, not good enough” types of ideas and anxieties.
I made it to the masjid and nobody was praying, so I started salah myself. As soon as I started, another brother who had just finished praying joined me, I guess to give some sadaqah, But I was planning on reading the longer surahs since it was Friday, surah sajdah and surah insan.
The social anxieties kick in. He’s standing next to me, and twitching around maybe thinking that I was going to recite short surahs, like ikhlas. But nope, I started the salah with these two surahs, and I can’t change my mind because I feel nervous.
Then I get into the surah, and my mind and heart are getting affected by the words. My anxieties start melting away and my consciousness of Allah is increasing and I start to feel amazing and forget my surroundings.
Then any last bit of self consciousness and anxiety was completely removed when I came to the end of the surah insan,
إِنَّ هَـٰؤُلَاءِ يُحِبُّونَ الْعَاجِلَةَ وَيَذَرُونَ وَرَاءَهُمْ يَوْمًا ثَقِيلًا ﴿٢٧﴾ نَّحْنُ خَلَقْنَاهُمْ وَشَدَدْنَا أَسْرَهُمْ ۖ وَإِذَا شِئْنَا بَدَّلْنَا أَمْثَالَهُمْ تَبْدِيلًا ٢٨
Indeed, these are the ones love the immediate and leave behind them a heavy day. It is We who created them and it is We who strengthened their forms, and when We allow, We replace the likes of them completely. 76:27-28