I fell into deep deep abyss of despair thinking about Rahman who was showering me with blessings growing up in my life. It was surrounding me all along, but as I tried and tried to look at everything around me as manifestations of Rahman, My despair was just increasing, severe sadness increasing. I fell into such a rotten state of despair where I felt I literally was dying, no energy to do anything, no love of Quran, just filled with despair. Then I decided to read the 1st two pages of surah yusuf. And this super super intense tears of pain was instantly released on the ayah:
And they sold him for a reduced price – a few dirhams – and they were, concerning him, of those content with little
This ayah brought out so much intense pain like the dagger wound deep in my heart was uncovered, and the pains were resurfaced. The root cause, being treated worthlessly all throughout my life. By everybody, never being truly viewed respectfully. It killed my heart and soul, and the wounds are still deeply buried inside my soul.
This root cause of despair was getting in the way of my complete love and appreciation for all the beautiful blessings . To fully attribute the blessings to the Most Compassionate and Merciful, and Generous.
.May God help us realize his attributes and appreciate his blessings for all of us.