How canniving the devil is. He takes anything good going for you, and tries to turn it sour, and makes you believe that he is justified in his claims.
I was really happy when I finally got a chance to join an amazing gym in Saudi Arabia, can’t get any more halal. Amazing facilities, a nice getaway from the daily grind and stresses of my life with stress, anxiety and waswaas.
But shaitan won’t give up. He would come at me, with things like, “Oh aren’t you wasting time at the gym, you’re not using your time wisely, you’re just like all the losers who dont’ spend their time worshipping Allah, but just wasting it away running after the dhunia.”
When I got into the pool, I was really thankful and appreciative about a chance to relive my good childhood memories of enjoying the pool, swimming, without feeling stressed out 24/7. But here comes again Shaitan: “What type of student of knowledge are you becoming? Going down the drain, not spending it studying and learning. Swimming and enjoying life. What an pathetic excuse of a student you are.”
It made me feel that I shouldn’t be doing this, even though it is great for me for so many reasons. It is Shaitan, making my life more and more restricted. It is Shaitan, making the religion of Islam more and more restricted.
I started off my life very active, into a lot of sports and activities, blessed with parents who were active and wanted to do a lot of physical stuff. But as time progressed, and I became more practicing in Islam, I slowly shyed away from physical activity in the name of religion, that I need to study and not waste any time, or else I wouldn’t be a true scholar. I had such a great thing going with this martial arts called, “Hapmudo,” And was in the best shape of my life, but when I found out I couldn’t bow to other than Allah, I decided to leave it. But since then my health took a downfall, and I couldn’t get into anything for a while. And I transformed into a different person, with not a single ounce of physical activity.
So I became very anxious, towards everything, Islam, Social anxiety, etc. And I was this shell of my former self, as if all the sports and stuff I did was from an alternate reality or from a flashback dream that I am not a part of anymore.
Back to the pool, the appreciation to Allah was high, then Shaitan twisted it to make it feel like I shouldn’t be doing this, that its not befitting for a student of knowledge to engage in such mundane and time wasting activities, that I felt more guilty and more and more restricted about Islam. Then as I was swimming, and enormous sense of nostalgia set in, thinking about how free I felt in the past, taking swimming lessons, having fun in the pool with my sisters growing up, all the water sports and beach outings we went to. I really wanted to relive those times again. And then I felt a huge sense of eye-watering gratitude and shukr that those things were manifestation of Allah’s Rahmah to me. Enjoyable activities that were good for me. And Shaitan slowly distanced me away from them in the name of religion.
Shaitan turned Allah’s Rahmah on me into a false idea of guilt of being lazy and “enjoying and preferring the worldly life.” This realization made me really despise Shaitan, and made me love and appreciate Allah, how He wants ease and good for us, and gives us things as manifestations of His Rahmah. It’s easy to say when a realization comes, but it’s hard to wake up day in and day out and hold on to this belief, when Shaitan is trying every moment to convince us of what he’s convinced us of for so many years.
Let me know your thoughts brothers and sisters.