بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
As I am still plagued with the shaitan influence, I was trying to float through a fog of waswaas bombardment at the gym. And as I was getting things under control and floating through the mess, out of the blue, a super duper positive emotional memory came into my head.
The memory had such a positive feeling deep within my soul. And it felt comforting just thinking about it.
Back when I was 5 or 6 years old, I used to have a close friend, Asif. We used to live in the same neighborhood, then he moved to a nicer neighborhood and we would go to each other’s houses. I still remember the house clearly in my mind.
Some dear memories came in, where I used to go over to my friends house to play, and then we would go out with some of the older kids and cousins and we went out to a nice restaurant, where we would enjoy socializing and playing with the candle. My friend’s sister would do a little “trick” by pinching the flame on the dinner table.
So as I was thinking about this deep memory, I looked at myself and I felt truly truly happy thinking about it. No baggage attached. Just an enjoyable memory that made me happy. And it was like a gateway to my soul, It felt a part of my soul was uncovered with this memory and I was reconnected with it. Soul memories.
I thought more about this memory that was giving me this unparalleled true deep felt happiness that I rarely experience. And as I felt and thought about it, I said to myself, “this is priceless. absolutely priceless.” Being able to reconnect with your soul, even the slightest bit, for someone who lost it, is nothing more joyous and truly satisfying.
Still thinking about it in the locker room, I went into the changing room, and I saw myself in the mirror again. I looked at myself and I was surprised at what I saw. Looking into my own eyes, I saw this genuwine happiness showing. I looked different, my eyes were more truthfully showing the happiness in my heart. Uncovered, and raw, just me genuinely happy.
I was saying to myself, “That was a really good memory. I really really enjoyed that.” As if I just experienced it yesterday. And I was genuinely expressing to myself this amazing feeling of gratitude. And then as I was going through this, I saw my eyes tear up get watery, and then tears and tears started trickling down, the most beautiful tears started coming down. Many tears were coming. Some of the most sincere tears. For the first time, I was looking directly at myself in the mirror as i was crying, without any hesitation or consciousness. I felt so genuine with myself it was blissful.
These were tears of connecting with my true self. My soul and spirit, deeply buried within myself coming out. And like I said before, to get this was priceless. More than money can buy.
I found out today more about myself, that in fact, I really loved socialize with people, and playing outside. i find these characteristics in my son, and it’s amazing that he has this same characteristics. But in this soul connecting exercise, I learned that socializing and talking to people was something that my true self used to love to do.